May Each Tomorrow Find Us Better then Today

>> Saturday, May 12, 2012

(FYI: this post might be kinda whiney)

This is what I feel like today......

Jer 20:18
Wherefore came I forth out of the womb to see labor and sorrow, that my days should be consumed with shame?

I feel like my days are consumed with shame. Shame that I am not able to be what I think I should be. Shame that OTHERS think I am not what I should be. Shame that I am so tied up on my own troubles I do not devote attention to my children as I should.

My husband and I have very conservative Biblical views (I do not want to debate those here). We believe that a woman should stay home and care for her children. It is the only thing I am "allowed" to do. It is what I always thought I wanted to do. But it is the one thing I seem *unable* to do. And therefore more shame.

Ideally, I would be able to use my home to include other activities in my home, but My♥Love doesn't like having people in the home and the house isn't presentable by anyone's standards. More shame.

So I have spent the morning crying. And praying. And reading my Bible. Looking or answers.

Jer 1:5
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee; I have appointed thee...

Ahh, sorry, Lord, it REALLY doesn't feel like that. I think I'll go cry some more now...

Done whining. ;-)

About an hour later....

I am feeling a little less like a complete failure. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed at the level of disorder in my life and wonder "How ON EARTH can God ever use ANY of THIS?!"

However, I am no quitter. I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and face the day like a man, er, a woman!

And pray... fervently... that tomorrow finds me better than today.

Edited 9/13/13
At the time of this post, I did not know that I was suffering from side effects of improperly treated Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Complications of this illness have made "normal" life very challenging. 

******************************************************** -------Comments feed my hungry blog-------


thea May 13, 2012 at 10:00 PM  

praying for you. I don't know how or what to pray for you but I know God knows what you need.

Sarah Forbes May 14, 2012 at 8:49 AM  

Thanks for your prayers Thea.

I have been struggling greatly with my life... the choices I have made, my short comings and inclinations, etc. I realized this weekend that I was allowing my life to run me rather than the other way around.

I am purposing to be more intentional about my life-choices. I will have to be very judicious about how I make changes tho.... last night I spoke a bit too harshly when I expressed my disproval of something My♥Love said. He was not very happy.

I struggle with tact, timing and being too emotionally charged.But I choose to believe God had a purpose for creating me. I am trusting Him to help me fulfill that purpose.

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